(trigger warning for rape)
“It is doubtless many of these women took advantage too, congregating near U.S. military bases and choosing attach themselves to U.S. soldiers. The dynamic was, however, inherently and overwhelmingly unequal. On the one hand, a woman at the mercy of an unstable government in a war-torn country, facing starvation, forced prostitution and possibly death as a casualty of war. On the other hand, an American service man with a gun, a steady paycheck and the promise of protection, liberation and a better life.
[…] Modern American culture has added insult to this widespread injury by not only failing to chastise American men for this behavior, but celebrating it as suggestive of American virility and perpetuating the meme of the exotic, sexually permissive Asian woman in pop culture. From Miss Saigon to Memoirs of a Geisha to Lucy Liu dressed as a masseuse in Charlie’s Angels, Asian women are rarely represented as having any agency or choice. Their willingness – even eagerness – to be sexualized and sexually dominated is continually portrayed as their most common and most admirable characteristic. It’s as though they spent 40 years raping us and the last 30 talking about how much we enjoyed it. This particular form of racism has myriad consequences for Asian-American women. A significant amount of the attention we receive from non-Asian men is in the form of creepy, excessive enthusiasm.
[…] Then there is the offensive assumption that anyone who is half Asian is the product of an American GI and an Asian woman he met standing on the corner saying “me love you long time.” And then of course there is the fact of being overwhelmingly underrepresented in every single industry except porn.”
SURVIVORS. DO. NOT. NEED. YOUR. INPUT.
[TW: sexual assault, domestic violence]
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve found the courage to speak about what happened to me when I was younger only to hear “…you know you should’ve reported that, right?” or “so you didn’t say anything? what’s wrong with you?” or “well maybe if you had done X or Y or Z he’d be in jail right now and you wouldn’t even be talking about it.”
Do you not realize how vile it is to criticize someone for the way they respond to one of the most heinous events they’ll ever live through? Do you not understand that most survivors (and most people period) already blame the survivors for what happened to them? Do you not understand that policing how they respond to an unwarranted act of physical, mental, psychological, emotional violence does nothing but further encroach upon the survivor’s rights?
It is up to that person—and that person alone—to decide how to go about healing. And if that means therapy, so be it. If that means cussing out the perpetrator on their Facebook wall, so be it. If it means collaborating with the perpetrator on a song, then SO. FUCKING. BE. IT.
Maybe that’s not the path you think you would have chosen, but unless you are that particular survivor, you will never know for a fact what you would have done because you will never be in that same position.
Until it is your body that has been violated, your psyche that has been damaged, you have absolutely no place to speak on what victims/survivors should do in response to the events that change their lives forever.
It is rude, arrogant, self-serving, patronizing, condescending, and just plain wrong.